Just Think Twice Pittsburgh
Personal Story of Addiction by Abbey Zorzi
Everyone knows what a drug addict looks like, right?
I used to picture an addict as someone under a bridge with a needle in his arm. The end of addiction might look that way, but it sure doesn’t begin like that. I never pictured myself as a drug addict until I became one as a teenager.
I’m 22 now, and I’ve been clean for a little over two years. My experiences inspired me to become an addiction specialist, and I came to the Fred Rogers Archive to learn what Mister Rogers had to say on the topic of addiction.
I found a 1971 article by Fred Rogers called “Children and Magic and Drug Abuse.”* While reading this article, I felt emotionally connected to his words. My struggles mirrored much of what he wrote. I’m sharing my story to help adults and young people understand that addiction doesn’t always look like we think it does.
“Our job as adults is to find ways to help our young people grow in the conviction that they can achieve self-realization without having to pour it in or sniff it in.” (Fred Rogers)
A Bright Future
As a child, I had a loving family, a love of competition and sports, and good grades. My future was looking bright. What could possibly go wrong?
Like any teenager, I wanted to fit in with kids my age. Going to parties and drinking alcohol was the norm in high school. Everyone else was doing it. Why shouldn’t I? During my freshman year I discovered that the euphoria from alcohol beat the adrenaline rush from making a game-winning shot in basketball. Alcohol became a security blanket for me. It covered up the self-confidence problems that I had secretly felt my whole life. I didn’t think alcohol was a problem. Life continued to go on as I drank it away. This was just the beginning of a long, miserable journey.
When I had my wisdom teeth removed as a sophomore in high school, the doctor prescribed Vicodin for the pain. I didn’t know much about drug addiction or what drugs could do to a person’s body. I took more Vicodin than the doctor prescribed. I went through two bottles of the stuff in just one week. When I ran out, I started to have frequent headaches and cravings.
The Face of Addiction
Friends of mine told me where I could buy narcotics so I wouldn’t have to keep going through withdrawal. I started to buy Vicodin off the streets. I continued to chase the high because I loved the way it made me feel. As my tolerance for the Vicodin increased, I needed more and more to get the effect I wanted. I started to use stronger narcotics such as Percocet, OxyContin, Opana, and Morphine. When the pills on the street became too expensive, heroin became a viable option.
When I found heroin, I told myself that I’d never inject it because the needles just scared me too much. (My mother used to have to hold me down at the doctor’s office when I needed a vaccine.) But my addiction told me otherwise. Not more than two weeks into using the drug, I switched to injecting it.
I thought to myself, “This is what falling in love feels like.” Heroin became my best friend, my significant other, and, ultimately, my abusive domestic partner. We had a love-hate relationship. After a week or two of using, I felt trapped and scared. I experienced a moment when I knew in my heart there was no turning back. Heroin had total control over my life, physically and mentally. Once that drug was in me, it told me what to do. I didn’t take heroin; heroin took me.
“What I wonder is if those who do take drugs might feel that they can’t be or do anything of value except by magic. Because in the final analysis isn’t that what drugs are: a kind of magic? A magic that will resolve discomfort and will give a sense of being important, perhaps omnipotent?” (Fred Rogers)
I didn’t know how to stop. I tried quitting on my own multiple times, but I never succeeded. This dark time lasted for about two years. I went from being a star athlete to a heroin junkie. I pleaded with myself and cried on a daily basis because I wanted to stop using, but my addiction would not allow me to stop. My hatred for myself was so strong and deep. Every day was dark and morbid in my world. My life began to slip away right before my eyes. I have never experienced a more desperate and hopeless feeling than when I sat on the cold, hard bathroom floor getting ready to use once again.
Rehabilitation: A Choice
When I was freshman in college, I had the opportunity to go to a rehabilitation facility for a month. About 99% of my mind was telling me not to go. My disease didn’t want me to leave. It wanted me to suffer and ultimately die. But a small part of my mind told me to take advantage of this chance. I took a good look at myself with tears rolling down my cheek and said, “I never want to feel like this again.” This desperation was a precious, lifesaving gift. It was the hardest decision I’d ever made, but I went to rehab.
In rehab I felt safe. It was tough for the first two weeks, but it gradually became easier. Detox was by far the hardest part. The medical staff provided comfort medications to ease the pain, but the process was still difficult. I was drained, both mentally and physically. I felt like I didn’t even know the person who was inside of me.
If it wasn’t for the counselors, I don’t think I would have stayed more than a week. They left their doors open all day in case I needed to talk. They listened to me and comforted me while I blurted out all of my problems. I didn’t trust myself, so I trusted them and the advice they gave me. The counselors in rehab filled me with confidence and hope. I owe them my life.
“Every person has hopes beyond his present capacities, and it’s our job, it seems to me, to help children to strive for what they want and not to go on trying to get it by drugs or any other kind of magic.” (Fred Rogers)
What I did in rehab was practice for the real world. The day I left rehab was one of the scariest of my life. Getting clean is much easier than staying clean. I was no longer in my comfort zone. I was terrified of relapsing, but I learned that I had the freedom of choice. I didn’t have to act on my thoughts. It wasn’t easy, but I did what my counselors suggested in order to stay clean. They told me to stay away from the people and places that I associated with drugs. They also suggested that I go to 12-step meetings and find people who had what I wanted.
Recovery & Support
My desperation to stay clean was stronger than it had ever been, so I listened to their advice. I experienced painful moments in recovery, but I was able to get to the other side with the help of others who are also in recovery. Being in recovery from addiction means I must treat my disease daily by attending 12-step meetings, bonding with other recovering addicts, and helping others in need. If I decide not to do any of the maintenance work, then my disease will overpower me and lead me to a relapse.
I have cravings and thoughts of using almost every day. There is no cure for addiction, but the disease can be arrested and treated. I know that as long as I don’t pick up the first drug, everything in my life will work out just fine. As an addict, I know I don’t have a moral deficiency. I’m sick, and I need to treat my illness, or else I die.
Here’s what I want you to know: It is possible to recover. Any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use, and find a new way of life. I have been clean since August 16, 2013. If an addict like me can stay clean day-by-day, anyone can.
The Face of Hope
So, what does an addict look like?
I am the face of addiction. I am also the face of recovery and hope.
This is why I share my story. I believe, just like Fred Rogers wrote, that:
“Our job as adults is to find ways to help our young people grow in the conviction that they can achieve self-realization without having to pour it in or sniff it in.”
What good is recovery if I am not speaking out and helping others? As a volunteer, I speak at schools, prevention programs, juvenile detention centers, jails, and mental hospitals because the gift of recovery should not be kept to myself. It is a message of hope for those who are suffering from addiction, and it’s an opportunity to educate anyone who will listen.
Drug addiction is a highly stigmatized disease. Many victims of the disease remain silent because they feel guilty, embarrassed, confused, or powerless. I speak out to give a voice to those who don’t have one yet.
Through my journey of recovery, I have figured out what I want to do with my life: work in a facility that helps people just like me. My purpose in life is to help others who struggle with addiction and to show them that there is another way to live. No addict should ever be turned away from society. I want them to look at me and know that they don’t have to struggle anymore.
“I’m absolutely convinced that the sense of feeling worthwhile, the sense of being able to make a difference by who you are inside is essential to living.” (Fred Rogers)
Being in this line of work is about saving lives. The impact I could make in just one person’s life will mean more to me than anything.
*Fred Rogers’ article “Children and Magic and Drug Abuse “was adapted from the fourth program in a television series called “The Turned On Crisis: The Shade of a Toothpick,” which was produced by WCET, Cincinnati’s public television station and aired on February 1971.
The Facts- 551 Drug-related Overdose Deaths last year in Pittsburgh
- 37% Increase in 2015 overdose deaths in the Pittsburgh area
| Heroin Abuse | Prescription Drug Abuse |
|---|---|
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An analysis of drug-related overdose deaths in Western Pennsylvania for 2015 identified the following:
- Allegheny County, containing the city of Pittsburgh, reported 326 drug-related overdose deaths in 2015
- This represents a 43 percent increase over a 5-year period (2010-2015).
- Westmoreland County reported 113 drug-related overdose deaths in 2015.
- This represents a 98 percent increase over a 5-year period (2010-2015).
- Washington County reported 66 drug-related overdose deaths in 2015
- 51 percent were classified as a “heroin-related” death.
- The total number of overdose deaths for 2015 represents a 78 percent increase from 2014.
- Butler County reported 46 drug-related overdose deaths in 2015.
- This represents a 35.3 percent increase from 2014.
(U) Figure 1: 2015 Drug-Related Overdose Deaths and Percentage Change from 2014 in Four Western Pennsylvania Counties
Source: Pennsylvania Medical Examiners and Coroners and DEA
Get HelpRecent trends indicate that heroin use is increasing for persons 18 years and older.
In 2013, 6,000 teens received treatment for heroin addiction; 128,000 young adults (18-25) received treatment for heroin. (Source: SAMHSA, NSDUH 2013. CBHSQ report 4-23-15)
If this is an emergency, please call 911 now!
If you or someone you care about is abusing or at risk of abusing drugs, there’s hope.
It’s not too late to get help or to help!
The resources provided below should help you find the assistance you may be looking for.
If you need help
If you recognize you have a problem, you’ve already taken the first step! Once you have the desire and determination to make a change, it’s time to take the second step—reaching out for help.
If you’re ready for help, reach out to your parents or guardians. If, for whatever reason you can’t or don’t want to reach out to them, there are other people you can reach out to for help. Go to someone you feel comfortable with, tell them what’s wrong and you’re ready to make things better.
You may want to reach out to one of the following people:
· School counselor, teacher, nurse, social worker or resource officer
· Sports coach
· Pediatrician or doctor
· Clergy
· Family friend, relative or trusted adult
· Friend
If you don’t want to go to someone you know to talk to, you can go directly to professional organizations that have staff trained specifically to help you, listed below.
Substance Abuse Help 24/7
These resources have trained staff available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, who you can talk to in confidence. They can direct you to local organizations that can help you take that next step.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) is a confidential, 24 hour, 7 days a week information service, available in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing drug and mental health issues. The service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community based organizations.
National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Center (NASAIC), 1-800-784-6776 has a listing of drug and alcohol treatment centers for every level of treatment. You can call, live chat or fill out a contact form to talk with staff who are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
National Intervention Referral, 1-800-399-3612, is a resource to use when looking for information on and help with interventions with alcohol and drug problems. You can contact the trained staff 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to talk with them about the intervention process and to get treatment referrals.
Boys Town National Hotline, 1-800-448-300, is a resource and referral hotline staffed by trained counselors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, who respond to questions about family and school problems, pregnancy, suicide, chemical dependency, and sexual and physical abuse. They also have a chat room.
National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD), 1-800-NCA-CALL (622-2255), NCADD provides assistance to those who need help and guidance confronting alcohol or drug dependence, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), is a confidential, 24 hour, 7 days a week suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. The Lifeline’s national network of local crisis centers provides counseling and mental health referrals.
The Covenant House, 1-800-999-9999, has experience in dealing with homeless and runaway youth. They provide assistance for homeless youth 17-21 years of age, with crisis shelters open 24 hours a day with a hot meal, warm bed and other assistance in a safe environment.
Get InvolvedThe Pittsburgh Boys & Girls Clubs of Western Pennsylvania have nine facilities in the Pittsburgh area. Boys and Girls Clubs of Western PA promote academic success, healthy lifestyles, good character and citizenship. They offer Educational Training, Career Launch, Arts and Crafts, Dance, Digital Arts Programs, Imagemakers Photography Program, Alcohol and Substance Abuse Prevention Programs, Smoking Prevention, Fresh Start Juvenile Justice Programs, Youth Violence Prevention Programs, Sports and Fitness, Summer Day Camps, Evening Teen Programs, Teen Entrepreneurship. We are in the process of launching an integrated website.
The Boys and Girls Clubs of America (BGA) provide a safe place to learn and grow, make friends, develop ongoing relationships with caring adult professionals, participate in life-enhancing programs, and develop character. Programs include education and career development, leadership skills, health and life skills, visual and performing arts, crafts, creative writing, social and interpersonal skills, fitness, sports, and recreation. More than 4,000 clubs throughout the US serve over four million youth.
The Boys Scouts of America (BSA) is a youth development organization that provides a chance for young people to build character, learn the responsibilities of being a participating citizen, and develop personal fitness. The Boy Scouts combine fun with activities that are educational and build lifelong values.
The Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America (CADCA) builds and strengthens the capacity of community coalitions to create safe, healthy, and drug-free communities. Community coalitions are made up of local members of a community—people from business, government, law enforcement, schools, the media, and the faith community, as well as parents and youth. Everyone works together to combat substance abuse and its related problems.
The CADCA National Youth Leadership Initiative (NYLI) is a training program that gives youth and adults the tools necessary to address problems so that they can make positive changes in their communities.
The Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) program is a substance abuse prevention education program that is taught in more than 70 percent of the nation’s school districts.
The D.A.R.E. Youth Advisory Board (YAB) is made up of 50 students, one per state, who are graduates of the D.A.R.E. program at their schools. In addition to advising D.A.R.E., they consult with government and community leaders on drug-and-violence-prevention strategies that benefit youth. They also work as a united body to help others resist the pressure to become involved in drugs and violence while being positive role models.
The Girl Scouts of the USA (GSUSA) work with girls to develop their leadership potential through activities that enable them to discover their values, skills, and the world around them; connect with others in a multicultural environment; and take action to make a difference in the world. Through activities in science and technology, business and economic literacy, and outdoor and environmental awareness, Girl Scouting provides girls with the opportunities for fun and friendship while fostering development of leadership skills and self-esteem.
The Law Enforcement Exploring Program is designed for young men and women from the ages of 14 through 20 who are interested in a future in law enforcement. The program helps young people gain insight into a variety of careers through hands-on activities, while working on career development, leadership and life skills, citizenship and character development.
The National Organization for Youth Safety (NOYS) is a coalition of youth serving organizations and government agencies working together toward the common goal of addressing health and safety issues that affect youth in the US. It promotes safety and healthy lifestyles among all youth and encourages youth empowerment and leadership. Areas of interest include traffic safety, injury prevention, substance abuse, youth violence, and healthy life choices.
The Sarah Heinz House, much more than an after-school program, Sarah Heinz House, a part of the Boys & Girls Club, affects each child in a unique and personal way. The club provides children and teens with powerful role models and a safe, fun place to go after school, on weekends and during the summer. Their goal is to promote healthy lifestyles and offer an environment that is welcoming, nurturing and challenging.
Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) is a peer-to-peer education, abuse prevention, and activism organization dedicated to preventing destructive decisions, particularly underage drinking, drug use, risky and impaired driving, teen violence, and teen suicide. SADD has many campaigns and activities for youth to participate in.